I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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