I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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