Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do vagina's smell?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
