New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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