Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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