Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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