I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
