Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
