we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
