Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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