please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
