Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
