Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
