a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
