The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
