hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
birth control should be required to get into college
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
