I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
tell me about the eggs
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