Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
