I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
