you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Of course I have a pirate flag
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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