Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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