Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
