he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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