my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
