Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
