We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
