I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
