Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
