Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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