Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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