The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
