My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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