Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
