im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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