party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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