I think I won the penis lottery.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
