so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
