Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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