Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
