I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
