$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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