You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
whose parrot is this?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
