You can't special order awesome
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
