She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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