Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
