I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Randomize
