I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
