Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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