Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
