alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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