last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
