just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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